My Atheist Manifesto

I live a godless life, the life of a heathen. I am looked down upon, for I do no worship the divine. The religious view me as an immoral lunatic, someone not to be trusted. "How can you trust someone who does not believe in divine providence?" they say, "For he surely does not have any sense of morality, nor can he appreciate the gift of life". I say, "Fuck your 'god', your 'beautiful' religion and most of all, fuck you, you judgmental fuck". This is my atheist manifesto.

I am an atheist. I am human, no different than you, your father, or that little boy, who had your "holy spirit" repeatedly forced up his ass. I am not some lunatic, who, due to rejecting your beliefs, lives an immoral life. I live my life as I see fit, not by how some omniscient, bloodthirsty, asshole of a god tells me to. A book written more than 2,000 years ago, by groups of nomadic, uneducated tribesman will not dictate my life.

I am bound to the morals set down by the society that I live in. These morals are almost universal, no matter what religion (or lack thereof) you practice. You say your ten commandments are the finest example of a set of morals ever to be written down? I say bullshit. Here is my atheist ten commandments, something everyone can agree on.

1: Treat others how you want to be treated.
2: Do no murder.
3: Do not steal.
4: Do not be greedy.
5: Respect your parents, elders, family etc.
6: Help the poor, sick and misplaced.
7: Do not lie.
8: Be a productive member of society.
9: Live your life trying to make this world a better place.
10: Live your life knowing you could die any second. 

I live my "immoral" life according to these simple rules. These are rules that do not need a god, do not need a religion, do not need some religious intermediary or god-king, and do not need to be written down in some holy book. Rules, which, no matter who you are or where you come form, ring true.

I am a man of acceptance. I accept everyone; for I do not believe in race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation or religious preference. We are human. You are not a black, Ethiopian, gay animist. You are a human being. I will judge you based on you character; not the color of your skin, what 'hood your from, how many gods you worship, or how you like to get fucked.

I am spiritual. No, that does not equate to being religious. We are all spiritual, for life is a spiritual journey. We evolve over time as a human being; from a carefree child, to a rebellious teen, to an inquisitive young adult, to a caring parent, to a wise old man; that is our journey. Spirituality does not require religion. Viewing the majestic night sky, awestruck with its beauty; grieving over a dead loved one; bringing a child into this world; saving a persons life; those are spiritual experiences. Going to church every Sunday, sitting, standing, kneeling, doing group chants, "feeling the holy spirit", those are not spiritual experiences. That is wasting your time.

I do not hate you because you are religious. That is a common misconception about atheists. Some of my closest friends are Christians and my whole family is Mormon. I will not patronize you because you are a believer, even though that feeling is often never reciprocated. I won't actively engage you in religious conversations in hopes of destroying your faith. If you want to argue the merits of Christianity with me, let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

I am not a hateful person. I am angry because I am treated like an outcast for not believing in your Jewish zombie. You preach of tolerance and acceptance, yet, you are the first to retract your welcoming arms from those who are different from you. If someone is gay, you do not accept them. If someone had an abortion, you do not accept them. If someone was a pagan, you would not accept them. You judge us, just like how you think your god will judge you. Judge not, lest ye be judged. Ring a bell?

I live my life with reason. I do not need your mangod to bless my life. You may think Christ gives you strength. In reality, it is you. Your human resolve gives you strength. You act like a pathetic bitch begging for your god to change your life. Get off your ass for fuck's sake. Do you hear that? Of course you don't. God doesn't answer prayers.

I am a man of science. Though science is not infallible, the burden of proof is on you, the believer. I do not have to prove to you that the theory of gravitation works; conversely, you have to prove to me that Jesus defied that theory and ascended to Heaven after he was dead for three days. Science is fact, religion is fiction.

Being godless does not make me an immoral person. If a person lives in a high crime area, are they a criminal? Of course not. I am no more, nor am I any less, moral than you. If religion made one more moral, why have a vast majority of the bloodiest conflicts in human history been started by religious fanatics? Your logic is flawed.

I fear for the future of humanity. When countries, ruled by religious fanatics, have nuclear arsenals at their disposal, I have a hard time sleeping at night. The fact that a vast majority of people in the world view death as a glorious thing, being that thy will either live eternally, be greeted by virgins, reincarnated or whatever ridiculous thing you can think of, I have a very pessimistic view of our future. The only way for our species to survive is to colonize space, yet, we are willing to nuke each other over whether Kashmir is Hindu or Muslim. Insanity.

I stand for all that religion doesn't. Thought, science, reason, compassion, acceptance, desire, living life to the fullest, the list goes on. As an atheist, we are the living antithesis of religion. Don't be afraid of who you are, for they are the ones who should be ashamed. The mere fact that you are afraid telling others that you are an atheist/agnostic/humanist/naturalist speaks volumes about those who are unwilling to accept you.

I am an atheist and I am proud of it. Judge me. Cast the first stone. I dare you. I will not go quietly into the night. I will not sit down and watch you try to snuff out reason with fiction. I will not cool off, for you are unreasonable. I will never believe, for it is a lie. I will not stop, for the truth needs to be heard. You can damn me to hell. You can pray for my soul. You can pray for my death. I don't need your prayers, your gods, or your holy books. I am an atheist.

Somewhere Over The Rainbow, We're All Gay.

What does being gay or being an atheist have in common, besides the fact that we will both burn in Hell? We are treated as pariahs by the Christian majority. Though I do not know how it feels to be singled out because one is gay, I have experience that from being an atheist and I have friends who have felt that because they're gay. We are treated like a disease. "Honey, don't touch him, he's an atheist." or "Timmy, back away from her, she's gay. You don't want to get sick, do you?" People don't say that shit, but they sure as hell think it.

If you didn't know by now, I am a huge supporter of gay rights. I love gay people. Some of the nicest (and funniest) people I have ever met were gay. Notice how I said people. The crazy fuck christians view them as subhuman, just like us blaspheming atheists. We are second class citizens to them. We are a minority. They are the majority.


If you have read any kind of news in the last few years, you will see that "we" are upsetting the status quo. "We" meaning the LGBT and secular communities. The christian majority HATES us. They fear change. They dictate their lives through a set of 2,000 year old dogmatic beliefs for fuck's sake. Let's talk about why they don't like homosexuals or the thought of gay marriage.

The gay marriage opponents see marriage as some "holy institution"; no butt fucking or muff diving allowed. Sure, if you're straight, you can fuck your wife in the ass, let her fuck you in the ass, or eat her pussy. Just your average Evangelical Sunday night. But, two gay guys experimenting with the art of the reach around, that's a no-no; two lesbians 69'ing, well, that's just gay. Your gay dick and her lesbian pussy have no place in the christian bedroom.

I love how marriage is some how "holy" in the USA. Do you know someone who is divorced or their parents are divorced? Sure you do! Who doesn't? If this is what they call holy matrimony, count me out. I don't know what the latest numbers are, but the last time I checked, the divorce rate was around 50%. God obviously smiles upon straight couples and their "holy matrimony". Plus, let us not forget what marriage is like for millions of women across the world; forcible removal of their clit, arranged marriage, permissible wife beating, you know, the "holy" stuff.

In all seriousness, I will rejoice when our country takes its head out of its ass and openly accept gays. I also want any gay readers to know that you aren't the only hated group in this country. The majority abhors us atheists. Rejoice in the fact that gays and atheists are viewed as equal 2nd class citizens. I know being gay is by far harder in certain areas of life. But hey, we are both getting fucked in the ass by someone.

Reason Why There Is No God #666: Bind, Torture, Kill.

Yesterday, as I was innocently perusing the interwebz. No, I was not looking at porn (at that time). I stumbled upon probably the most fucked up thing I have ever read. I won't summarize it, you have to read it. From Kirkwood, Missouri (link):

Disabled woman was tortured and held as a sex slave.

"A Kirkwood man arrested by the FBI on Thursday was one of four Missouri men who paid a fifth to either watch him torture a mentally disabled woman online or torture her themselves, prosecutors said.

The 20-page federal indictment, unsealed with the men's arrests Thursday, contains accusations of sexual and physical torture lasting five years, acts that U.S. Attorney Beth Phillips called "among the most horrific ever prosecuted" in the Western District of Missouri. The alleged torturer, Edward "Master Ed" Bagley Sr., 43, of Lebanon, Mo., tattooed the woman to mark her as his slave, convinced her that she was legally "bound" to him and threatened her, prosecutors said. He also is accused of forcing her to work as a stripper.

Bagley tortured the woman for five years, until he induced a heart attack while suffocating and electrically shocking her on Feb. 27, 2009, prosecutors said. She was hospitalized. Her hospitalization sparked an 18-month investigation that led to the charges. Those alleged to be customers for the woman's forced services included Bradley Cook, 31, of the 11500 block of Big Bend Road in Kirkwood; Dennis Henry, 50, of Wheatland, Mo.; Michael Stokes, 62, of Lebanon; and James Noel, 44, of Springfield, Mo., prosecutors said. Henry's occupation was listed as postmaster general of Nevada, Mo., but that could not immediately be confirmed Thursday evening. Cook, according to state records, is a licensed real estate broker associate.

The indictment alleges that Bagley met the woman when she was 16 and a runaway and persuaded her to move into his trailer with promises of a "great life" and a future as a model and dancer.
She got her own room, furniture and TV, and Bagley began giving her drugs, showing her pornography and sexually abusing her, prosecutors said. When she turned 18, he persuaded her to sign a 'sex slave contract," which he said bound her to him for life, prosecutors claim. Bagley "beat, whipped, flogged, suffocated, choked, electrocuted, caned, skewered, drowned, mutilated, hung and caged" the girl "to coerce her to become a 'sex slave,'" the indictment says. It adds that he tied her up and hung her in the air, locked her in a dog cage and used staples, nails and a sewing needle and thread during torture sessions too violent to describe.

In 2005, Bagley began boasting online that the girl was his slave and could be tortured during online sessions or in person, the indictment says. Henry, Stokes, Noel and Cook gave Bagley cash, cigarettes, computer equipment, sadomasochism videos, coats and meat in exchange for access to the girl, the indictment says. If she cried out or tried to stop the torture, it only got worse, prosecutors said. Bagley threatened her by claiming to have buried other bodies behind his trailer home and shooting animals that she cared for in front of her, prosecutors said. Bagley also performed abortions on the girl, the indictment says.

The indictment says Cook, the Kirkwood man, downloaded pictures and videos of the girl being tortured, gave Bagley a computer hard drive containing sadomasochism and torture videos downloaded from the Web, watched the torture live and had sex with the girl. Court documents allege that Cook has a long history of violent behavior, sadomasochistic conduct and drug abuse and that "he tortured and sexually mutilated at least two other female victims in the past."
A call to one of Cook's former addresses was answered by someone who declined to answer questions about Cook and referred a reporter to Cook's lawyer, but declined to provide a lawyer's name.

The men could face life in prison."

 The last part really pushed me over the edge. Not only was this article hard to read and comprehend how they could do such things to another human being, but the mere fact that they are going to live pisses me off. Life in prison? Hell no. This is one of those rare instances where we need to dig up Hammarabi's Codes of Law and forget about our criminal justice system.

There need not be a trial. There need not be any appeals. There need not be any prison time. What we need here are five .45 bullets, a 1911 handgun, five pairs of zipties, a picture of the girl, lighter fluid and a couple of matches. Here is how my "trial" will go: Ziptie their hands behind their back, make them kneel, put the picture of the girl in front of their faces, shoot them in the gut, wait 20 minutes, pour lighter fluid on them while there still alive, set them on fire, piss on the ashes. Sound fair?

Once you violate another human being to this degree, you lose your right to be human. You are an animal and you must be disposed of like one. I am all for human rights and shit, but some people are way too liberal when it comes to these kinds of things. These guys are trash. They don't deserve another second on this Earth.

Some people may say, "If we do this, we are no better than they are." I say, "Fuck you, you sheltered prick". Murderers, rapists and child molesters don't think like we do. The mere fact that they commit these atrocious crimes should be evidence enough. If they had the chance, they would do the same thing to you. If there is overwhelming evidence of their crimes, I say kill 'em all.

Do you want to pay for the lengthy appeals process brought on by a death penalty verdict? Do you want to pay for incarcerating these sub-human fucks for the rest of their lives? No. Hell no. What do you do to a rabid dog? You kill it. What do you do to a rabid human? You spend millions of tax payer dollars to incarcerate them for the rest of their lives, hoping they will find Jesus, repent their ways, and bind, torture and kill no more.

Sorry folks, it ain't gonna happen. I believe it is our civic duty to kill these pieces of shit for the better good of society. If one of my friends or family was murdered, raped, molested, tortured and killed,  you bet your ass I would go out of my way to make sure the animal who did it was put down. Call me violent. Call me a godless, bloodthirsty pagan. But you know what? Someone has to take out the trash.

A Letter To A Christian Asshole

Since I am a godless, hedonistic sinner, I often get asked (well, more like told) that I don't/can't see the beauty in life. Why? I ain't got no baby Jesus in my heart. I find this to be both hilarious and foolhardy. I bet a few of you have experienced this. I like to call this the "Jesusvention" (Jesus + intervention = Jesusvention). A concerned Christian will often take it upon their self to "show us the beauty in life which only Jesus and the Bible can give" or something to that extent. This is my shout out to all of the Christians who have tried to cram baby Jesus down my throat. Boy, am I gonna enjoy ripping this a new one.

First off, your arrogance astounds me. The fact that you are patronizing me through your dogmatic beliefs offends me. You may think you are being "brave" by standing up for your Jewish mangod; life is so hard being a Christian. When you come down from your sanctimonious highchair, I'll give you a cookie for the effort. Don't worry, it's kosher.

Secondly, how can you possibly know that beauty is absent from my life? Again, you are awash with arrogance. Your so called "holy" Bible is as far from holy and beautiful as it gets. If your view of beauty comes from a book that is comprised of your god killing thousands of innocent people, demanding both human and animal sacrifices, bigotry, misogyny, slavery, homophobia, xenophobia and ethnic cleansings, you are seriously fucked up.

I find beauty in just about everything, Jesus not included. Lake Tahoe? Beautiful. Flowers blooming in the springtime? Gorgeous. A meteor shower? Astounding. Jessica Biel's tits? Awe-inspiring. As you can see, my life is filled with beauty. During these last three years as an apostate Christian, I can say with 100% certainty: life is more beautiful without baby Jesus.

I resent the fact that you are concerned about my "salvation". Did I ask you to grab your Bible and shove it down my throat? No. If I want something shoved down my throat, I'll go to a gay bar. If I was so concerned about accepting your Jewish zombie into my heart, I might have asked you. Until that day comes, you can stay on your knees in front of your god. Don't forget to cup the balls.

This is not aimed at anyone in particular. I have just become sick of random Christians trying to "save" me. I have a novel idea for you: Put your Bible down, go buy some condoms, bust that nut then come talk to me. Until then, I will be busy sinnin' n grinnin'. Remember kids, Jesus is a myth, just like the female orgasm.


The latter was a joke.

If you didn't get it, you need to get laid more often.

Fireside Chat With A Troll, Part I: Death and The Gift of Life

I am going to do a four part series on shit that is always going through my mind. Death; religion vs. spirituality; the meaning of life; happiness and sorrow, shit like that. I don't know how many parts there will be. Why am I doing this? I don't fucking know, so enjoy it.

With life comes death. There is only one absolute in life. You, I, and every single person on this planet will die some day. The Grim Reaper's scythe will catch you; there is no hiding. With death being the only guarantee in life, there is no reason why we have to lie to ourselves about it. Our planet has immersed itself in an ocean of denial; where ever you go, you will be swept up by its waves. What is this denial? Religion.

I'm not going to go on a tirade of how this religion is false due to X and Y; as that is for later. What I am going to do is talk about my views on death and why we shouldn't ignore the obvious. Religion was created to explain what we could not understand about the natural world, through supernatural means. Lighting? Zeus must be mad. Rainbow? God is reminding us that he won't flood the world again. Death will always be something we will not understand. But, that does not mean we can't try.

Death is daunting. Death is final. I can understand why people would want to believe that they are going to spend eternity with their god(s) and "saved" loved ones; only for the price of their pious devotion. I can also understand why people want to believe their dead loved ones are watching over them from heaven, paradise, or whatever; those thoughts comforts them. I find this to be a waste. Let me explain.

You only have one shot at life. Billions spend that life wasting away in the presence of their god(s); fearing, yet venerating, their impending death. Death is glorious, death is beautiful they say. They waste their life trying to "save" those who are lost, yet they will ultimately lose their life, for no one is ever "saved". This is no way to live. This is a mockery of life. Where others are dying to live, they live waiting to die. Life isn't about running around, scoring as many "God Points" as you can, then leaving. Life is much bigger than that.

For one to appreciate death, one needs to learn to appreciate life. I have come to view my life as a book. In this book, I am the author, but there are a few catches. One, what I write is set in stone; I can not go back and revise what I have written. Two, I can only look back upon what I have written; I can not read ahead nor can I skip pages. Three, the ending is non-negotiable. Four, I do not know when, where, and how my book will end, only that it will.

This outlook may seem grim and indeed, it is. Death is a grim reality. Only upon realizing this can you truly begin to appreciate life. Knowing that there will never be another "you" should motive you to get off your ass and do something with your life. Don't spend it on your knees praying to your god. Spend it on your feet, trying to make this world a better place.

While millions take comfort in the thought that the their loved one is guiding them from above, I believe that to be a disservice to the dead. I don't want my death to outshine my life, unless I die with a nuke strapped on my back, taking some commie bastards with me. I want my life to be remembered. The only afterlife I believe in is the memories of our descendants. We may be dead, our corpse withering to dust, but we are still alive in the memories of our loved ones. Don't remember how I die. Remember how I lived.

Death is the real final frontier. Who knows what happens when we die. I do know this, the Universe wastes nothing. I'll close with this: How do you want to be remembered? Do you want your life to be celebrated and carried on through the thoughts of your descendants? Or, do you want your life to be allocated to certain dogmatic beliefs, which come and go like the tides? Your choice.

Nine Years And Counting...

We all remember where we were on 9/11. I was 11 years old at the time and fast asleep. My brother woke me up, telling me that the WTC towers were hit by airplanes. Again, I was 11. I had absolutely no clue what the fuck the WTC towers were, but I soon learned. We all know what happened on that day, but have we learned from it? I argue that we have not learned one single thing from the attacks.

Sure, we have "improved" national security by spending trillions of dollars on two wars that have led us nowhere. We have "beefed up" security at our airports so well that two terrorists made it through security, only to fail in igniting their bombs. Finally, we are "winning" the War on Terrorism. Yippee! Damn, it feels good to be an American! It was not our fault that terrorists got though airport security. It was not our fault that extremist muslims received training in how to fly a plane. It was not our fault that the CIA, NSA, FBI, and military intelligence failed to thwart the terrorists plans. "So, what are you getting at Troll?"

We tolerate embrace religious extremism. "What the fuck are you talking about? We don't embrace religious extremism, Troll. That's why we kicked some Taliban ass!" The United States of America is one of the most religious of the developed countries on this planet. 76% of our population identify themselves as Christian. If you didn't know, in order to be a Christian, you have to believe a Jewish mangod was born of a virgin mother who was impregnated by a ghost; raised from birth knowing he was to be a human sacrifice for a deity that demanded the slaughter of its son for our thought-crimes and indulgences; raised from the dead by magic powers and will return soon to save his believers henceforth signaling the end of the world, which they believe will be the greatest day imaginable. If that doesn't sound crazy and extremist, well, I guess your a Christian.

In this country, which I find to be the greatest place to live on Earth, questioning peoples religious beliefs is frowned upon. Shit, it's more sociably acceptable to indoctrinate children into a religion than it is to question the crazy fucks who do it. "Well, I was just engaging in my right to practice any religion I choose. If you question my beliefs, your a bigot and intolerant of my religion." No, you are an asshat my friend, and I'll show you why.

Since it is election season, I'll put it into perspective. When you sit at the dinner table with your family, do you debate politics? Of course you do! Who the fuck doesn't? The republican's of the family are probably bitching about how Obama is destroying the country, all the while the democrats are saying under their breath, "Well, at least he ain't Bush." This is perfectly acceptable anywhere in the USA. Politics are discussed at home, the work place, at the bus stop, at church, everywhere. But, when it comes to religion, this is somehow "taboo".

I am expected to be courteous to other peoples religious beliefs, yet I am somehow allowed to tear their political ideologies to shreds. Am I the only person who finds this insane? People see me as "...that asshole atheist who is intolerant of Christians, Muslims, Jews, Hindu's etc". Have republicans ever called me "...that asshole democrat who is intolerant with their beliefs in Laissez-faire economics and fiscal conservatism"? No, I'm just that asshole democrat.

If I decided that as soon as children are born they were to be home schooled, taught the socio-economic beliefs of Adolf Hitler, told his beliefs are infallible, and that everyone else is inferior for not believing them, people would call me crazy. Now, if you do the same with a religion, it is okay. This is a serious problem, not only for the USA, but for the betterment of humanity.

This needs to change. We (non-believers) need to push the envelope and ask the questions. It has to become sociably acceptable to question peoples faith. Why? Because their religion is dangerous. Yes, that's correct. Religion has been and will always be the number one cause of violence and death. Take a history class. They may say, "That was then, they took it too literally." Well, I find it interesting how you seemed to figure out the real meaning behind your religion and the millions who have fought and died for it haven't. Hmm.... My fear is that my children will be borne into a world that is torn by religious feuding. From religious infighting between Sunni's and Shiite's, to Muslims killing Christians and Christians killing Muslims.

Tomorrow is 9/11. We all lost something on that day, I don't care who you are. Vigils will be held,  loved ones will be mourned and heroes will be remembered. If you are as concerned about religious extremism as I am, I encourage you to challenge a person of faith tomorrow. Challenge someone if they start speaking of the evils of Islam and how great a "christian" nation we are. Humble them, just as we all were humbled on that fateful day.




Note: I won't put up a post on 9/11, as I will be busy for most of the day. Enjoy.

Some Good Shit To Read

I just finished reading Letter to a Christian Nation by Sam Harris. I have one word to describe this treatise on religion; damn! That's the kind of damn you say after being mind fucked by an M. Night Shyamalan movie. If this is what it's like to feel Jesus' love after reading the Bible, sign me up. Horrible jokes aside, this is a book that should be required to be read in school. Sam Harris is so relentless in his attack on the magic skymasters of the universe that, by the end of the book, religion is bleeding out of its ass.

I don't want to spoil the book for you, so I'm not going to type a five page summary listing everything out. I know, you're thinking, "God damnit, Troll. I barely have the attention span to read your blog, let alone read a book. I have porn that needs watching." I feel your plight of having to expend energy to read, you live a rough life as it is *sarcasm*. So, put you dick down, wipe your laptop off and go buy the book. I spent a whopping $12 on it. You porn subscription probably costs more than that. Stimulate your mind for once, not your dick.

Don't Tread On Me

I was once a Christian. Shocker, right?  My mother, who is the kindest person in the world, believed it was important that my brother and I be brought up as Christians. We both went to Sunday school when we were little, a Christian elementary school for 2nd-5th grade, a Lutheran middle school, and I went to a Catholic high school. Through the years, I learned all the basic tenets of Christianity. I was just another brick in the wall.

The story of how I became an apostate Christian is one of irony. Throughout high school, I began to question my faith, one piece at a time. I thought of myself as an agnostic Christian by the end of my Junior year. How that works, I don't know. During my Senior year, I was required to take a world religions class. I thought, "Okay, cool. It will be interesting to learn what others believe". My teacher, whose name I can not remember, was a devout Catholic like most of the teachers. But, he encouraged that we open our minds to the other religions. When I learned about Judaism, Islam, Shintoism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Jainism etc, my mind was opened. I felt reborn.

I saw that all the religions are teaching the same underlying shit, just a different asshole. For most of my life, I only knew one viewpoint, Christianity. Once I became an atheist, I was afraid of telling anyone, especially my family. I felt alone. I felt that it was taboo to speak out against my faith. I saw myself as a wounded lamb surrounded by hungry wolves. Now, I'm the wolf and they are the wounded lambs, and god damn it, I'm fucking hungry.


What am I getting at? I want all of my atheist/agnostic/humanist/secular/I-don't-know-what-I-am readers to know that they are not alone. We outnumber the Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, and other minority religions in this country. The time has come to make a stand, not only for yourself, but for science, thought and reason. No longer will we sit quietly and let the religious Christian majority walk all over us. No longer will we be respectful to their religion, fearing persecution. No longer will we be afraid, for we are a powerful force.

The 21st century is going to be the century of science, technology and rational thought. There is no room for religions that fundamentally require blind adherence and acceptance of dogma. This dogma goes against everything science and reason stand for. I am a thinking man, not a man told what to think. The age of domineering religion is over. The age of science and reason has begun. I will leave you with this. Will you look back on your life, the only life you will ever have, and know you made a difference for the betterment of humanity? Or, will you hide in your cave, fearing the religious man? I know my answer. Do you?





Note: I wrote this on 3 hours of sleep and lots of caffeine. I apologize for the quality/grammatical mistakes, as I am not functional enough to fix them.

No, you're the crazy one!

What do you believe in? What do you know? You may be asking yourself, "Troll, those are the same damn thing. Enough of your trickery. I know exactly what I believe in". But, they are two entirely different things. Apples and oranges my friend, apples and oranges. Here is an example: "I know that the Earth revolves around the sun". That's a fact, it's knowledge. You know it to be true. "I believe that when I die, I shall rot and nothing of my ego will survive - (Bertrand Russell). That is a belief.

Belief and knowledge are two different entities. The religious amongst us confuse the two, replacing their belief with what they call "knowledge". What they claim as knowledge is purely subjective belief. That is the thing that scares me. This train of thought has become normative amongst the religious majority in this country. Remember watching the presidential election debates? I remember watching the Republican candidate debate. There was a "special" moment that happened. John McCain was asked if he believed in evolution. Of course, being the "maverick" he is, he said yes. The moderator then asked if anyone did not, keyword NOT, believe in evolution. Three out of the ten said they DID NOT believe in evolution, most notably Mike "I'm a puritanical fuckhead" Huckabee. He now has his own show on Fox "news".

What does this have to do with anything? Evolution, which is an empirical fact, is not a belief. Creationism, which is not an empirical fact, is a belief. If you are a rational, slightly educated human being, evolution IS NOT a belief to you. You know it to be true. People don't ask you whether or not you "believe" that the Earth is round, do they? You know it to be true. There is no wiggle room. You don't sit there thinking, "Well, my religion tells me that the Earth is flat. But, science and reason say otherwise. Hmm..."

If you believe in creationism, more power to ya. That's your belief. But, don't you fucking dare go and claim it to be true. The whole thing going on in Texas, where that book company wants to add creationism to the science books, that is beyond unforgivable. They claim it will teach kids about the differing scientific viewpoints. Hell no. Back the fuck up. You have the balls to claim your nomadic, bronze-age, 2,000 year old religious story of creation as scientific fact? You are one ignorant, sanctimonious, puritanical, insane motherfucker.

The religious right in this country are scared of science and empirical reasoning. People in this country still find it important for a president to have strong religious beliefs. To add insult to injury, they want the "Average American" to be president. Excuse me while I go vomit. If you didn't know, one in four people are Evangelical. Let that sink in. Now, with that thought, do you really want the "Average American" as the President of the United States of America? Let's look at that bitch from Alaska (who has nice tits) as an example.

Sarah Palin, MILF-extraordinaire, is the cunt in shining armor for the tea-bagger party. She touted all throughout the last presidential race to be the "Average hockey mom" or "Average Joe". As we all know, she is batshit crazy. She is so disillusioned that she believes, i.e. knows to be true, that mankind and dinosaurs walked the Earth together, some 6,000 years ago. If I was taking biology, and my professor told the class he believed in that little piece of wisdom, I would cock punch him. The thing is, she isn't alone in thinking this garbage.

When I was in middle school and had to take biology, we were not taught evolution. We were taught creationism. For those who aren't privy to my educational background, I went to a very conservative Lutheran school. I'm talking the kid's tried to be more religious than the next. I knew about evolution, thanks to my dad, but the teacher would not speak of it. I didn't understand until I finished high school why that was fucked up. This "creationism" is being pushed as scientific fact. Its about as scientific as the next porn I watch.

Knowledge is power. A belief is not. That is why the religious nutjobs twist their beliefs to be fact. It is NOT a fact that God exists. It is NOT a fact that God created the Earth. It is NOT a fact that Jesus was real. It is NOT a fact that Jesus performed miracles. It is NOT a fact that Mary was a virgin when she gave birth. It is NOT a fact that there is an afterlife. I can go on and on. These things are beliefs. There is no way of proving them and that's why you take them on faith. Know your truths. Know you facts. Know your beliefs. Most of all, know what's real.

Puff, Puff, Pass America

What comes to your mind when you think of pot? Think about it. I'll wait...finished? What comes to my mind is wasteful spending. "Troll, what the hell are you talking about now? My pot is not wasteful. I smoke every last bud and always get my moneys worth. Who cares if I spend $50 on hotpockets, chocolate ice cream and blueberry bagels after I get baked? I'm stimulating the economy". I'm not talking about how much you spend on your munchies, if you want to spent $30 on Oreos that fine by me. I don't care. What pisses me off is the inordinate amount of money spent on policing, arresting, incarcerating, and prosecuting stoners caught with minor amounts of pot.

We all know someone who is a huge stoner, in fact, you probably are a huge stoner. If so, put your bowl down and read on. People like to smoke pot. It's a fact. Just like how people enjoy eating, sleeping, drinking and fucking. That isn't going to change, but our countries attitude towards it has. Over the years we've gone from the days of Reefer Madness, where smoking pot will lead you to rape, kill and go insane; to the 60's, the hippies, free love and peace; to today, where you smoke, play Mario Kart for hours and eat boxes of otter pops.

Everyone has a different opinion on the subject of legalization. Some fear that it is a gateway drug and will increase America's already horrible addiction to drugs. Others say it will relieve pressure on the already overburdened law enforcement community and criminal justice system. Finally, the stoners advocate it because they just want to smoke in peace. Here's my take.

Pot is relatively harmless. I know, I don't want 16 year old stoners driving to the store blazed out of their mind either. That shit's dangerous. I'm looking at the facts here. Tell me a time when you heard of someone overdosing on pot. Can't, can you? Tell me a time when you heard of someone getting locked up for a minor possession charge? What? Last week you say?

Let's look at Nevada's economy. The last time I checked, this wonderful state is going to fall $3 billion short for this years budget. Last year, there were 2,643,085 people living in Nevada, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. It would take every man, woman and child in this state $1,135, more or less, to fill that gap. Don't have that kind of money? Spent it all on pot, didn't you? And that's the key.

Our neighbor to the left, California, has an even greater crisis on their hands. Their government has no money. But, what they have is pot, and lots of it. Many speculate that in the upcoming elections in November, pot will not only be decriminalized, but its cultivation, sale, purchase and possession made legal. This will bring in much needed revenue. That is exactly what Nevada needs. With the tourism and construction industries getting fucked by the economy, this state needs an additional source of income, and it comes in the form of a bud.

I don't care if you like smoking or not. Look at it like this. Do you reap the benefits of legalized prostitution? Do you enjoy gambling? I don't care if you love getting fucked by a shemale while you suck off a midget at the Shady Lady Ranch. What I do care about is the money that shit brings into this state. Think of how much you spend on pot in a week, a month, a year. Now, think of how many people you know that smoke, use your stoner math skills, and figure that shit out. That's a lot of money, isn't it?

Your parents most likely smoked it. Our President smoked it. Your neighbor smokes it. The cops who arrested you smoked it in high school. Laws don't change unless the people do, and we are changing. Puff, puff, pass America. Now, where are my Oreos at?

Holy Sex Toys, Batman!

Mmm. Sweet, sweet, sex. There is nothing like a session of good 'ole passionate, animalistic sex. I'm talking about that angry, lusty sex. We've all been there. That is, unless your a christian. I just finished reading a blog on how christians spoil sex for themselves. While no where ground breaking, I thought that John Blake was headed in the right direction. Some light needs to be shed on why christians view sex the way they do and why that's fucked up.

I know your thinking, "Listen Troll, what the hell do you know about sex? You probably jerked off too much as a kid." While the latter may be right, I did have Christianity shoved down my throat for most of my life. I went to a Lutheran middle school and a Catholic high school for fuck's sake. I have been through my fair share of christian sexual repression (oops,  did I say repression? I meant education.) classes and lectures.

When I think of Christianity and sex, the first thing that pops into my fucked up mind is repression. Yes, one of the first things you are taught at a christian school is sexual repression. Gasp! Say it aint so! It started in middle school for me, right around the 7th grade. Now, when I was in 7th grade, I was a little horn dog. I probably jerked off 3-4 times a day, not counting the weekends. Judge me, I fucking dare you.

Anyways, I vividly remember going to a rally in the gym one day. It was an "Evils of Sex" lecture by some college chick who had never gotten the shaft before. I'm sure we have all been through one of those. She extolled her virtues of saving "It" till marriage, masturbation is not only wrong, but sinful, and that lust is not only sinful, but leads one to a life of damnation. Now, let's look at what kids were doing at that age, then break down her "talking points".

At that time, we are all discovering this "thing" called puberty. Its all new to us. What is this? What's happening to me? Why am I stroking my shaft as I watch The Powder Puff Girls? I remember being thoroughly confused by the lecture. Masturbation is wrong? But teacher, it feels good! How can it be wrong? Because God says so. Oh. Well, I'll put my dick down than and pick up a Bible.

Probably the most extolled virtue we have crammed down our throats is abstinence. Save your virgin dick from getting wet, they say. I say "Fuck you. Go get your dick wet, then come talk to me about sex."  I'm all for not sleeping around. I don't find it attractive at all when a chick I am dating has fucked more guys than I have fingers. But, if you want to fuck, then fuck. Does anyone find it surprising how the adult entertainment industry makes more money than all the major sports combined? No? Neither did I. Humans love sex. We are supposed to. There is no changing that.

Now, lets talk about lust versus love, something that christians don't get. Lust can be a great thing in a relationship. Imagine your shopping with your special someone. She drags you to Victoria's Secret for some lingerie and later the local sex shop. She wants to spice up the bedroom a bit. You, of course, have no reason to object. Hot lingerie, sex toys, handcuffs, and flavored, edible lotion. Whats not to like? The whole time you're there, you're planning out every sexual desire and fantasy you can think of. Lusting for it. And so is she. Come to think of it, your sex life hasn't been this hot since you started sleeping with each other.

Now, let's talk about love. You have been working your ass off at work. The boss has been on your nuts all week. Everyone seems to be out to get you. Your girlfriend texts you, "I've been thinking about you all day. Think sex." Your spirits lift. You sit back in your chair and daydream about making love to her. That feeling after you both climax and just lay there, trying to catch your breath, awesome. You go home and take your girlfriend into the bedroom and make passionate love to her. Relief. A sense of calm. You fell normal again.

Sex isn't just about love. Sex isn't just about lust. It's a combination of the two. If you only have one, you will crave the other. I've been there. So have you. Demonizing lust is only going to ruin love. Why does it feel so good when you have crazy, lusty animal sex? You fulfill your desire for lust. Why does it feel so good when you make love? You fulfill your desire for love.

I would rather be damned to hell and have a good sex life, than live a life in fear of lust and sexual desire. Call me a heathen. Call me whatever you want. Jesus doesn't belong in the bedroom and God shouldn't be a voyeur. I'm going to go have a threesome with twins, and enjoy it. You can go think about it, jerk off to me doing it, and cry yourself to sleep thinking your going to hell. Or, you can join in. It's your choice.

Who's Dick Is Bigger? Our God's? Their God's?

As of late, the whole mosque thing has been pissing me off. I don't give two shits where you want to worship your omniscient space monster. Everyone has the right to worship the same crazy shit. You want to worship Jesus? Thats cool. Allah? Fine by me. The Ranting Troll's beard? Heard its pretty sweet.

What has my nuts in a bunch are the Christians and right-wingers who have made this into a royal cluster fuck. They know who they are. The people who make the mosque out to be a proverbial Islamic dick fucking America's virgin, Christian, asshole. For those of us who are a bit rusty on our countries asshole, its still recovering from Bush and Friends repeatedly fucking it. No lube, prison style.

Let's take a moment to look at what exactly this "EVIL" mosque is. From wikipedia:

"Park51, originally named Cordoba House (and referred to as the "Ground Zero Mosque"), is a planned 13-story, glass and steel Islamic community center and mosque, to be located about two blocks from the World Trade Center site, in Lower Manhattan. The facility's design includes a 500-seat auditorium, theater, performing arts center, fitness center, swimming pool, basketball court, childcare area, bookstore, culinary school, art studio, food court, September 11 memorial, and prayer space that could accommodate 1,000–2,000 people. The center would replace an existing 1850s Italianate-style building that was damaged in the September 11 attacks."

I don't know about you, but that sounds dangerous. A 500 seat auditorium? Probably going to use it to spread their anti-Zionist propaganda. Fitness Center? One has to be in shape to fight the infidels, of course. Food court? You can't bring death to America on an empty stomach. A childcare area AND a bookstore? Little Abdul can play jihad with his haji friends,  all the while you can go read books on how to defeat those Jew dog loving Yanks.

If this is what you are scared of, shame on you. "But Ranting Troll, you don't get it. Muslim extremists flew those planes into the towers. If they build it, the muslims win." Will they now? Well, fuck me then. Let's go round up all of the muslims in this country and put them into concentration camps. I hate losing.  

The funny thing is, history has a funny way of repeating itself. Does anyone remember those poor bastards that were put into concentration camps in WWII? No, not the ones in Europe. I'm talking about the roughly 120,000 Japanese Americans. Yeah, those guys. Those dirty japs. "A Jap is a Jap. It makes no difference whether the Jap is a citizen or not." - Lt. Col. John L. DeWitt. That guy was the key player in that wonderful moment of history. 

Why do I make a reference to one of the darker times in America's past? Take a look around you. The Christian right in this country, who still hold considerable power, are essentially saying the same thing. Quite denying it. You know if they had it their way, they would want to do the same thing with the muslim population in here. They want those God damn, brown-skinned, Allah worshiping sand niggers out of our "christian" country. 

Those thugs who flew the planes into the towers, they weren't muslims. They were thugs. Just like how in Nigeria, christians are killing muslims. Are they christians? No, they are thugs. And yes, I will not go quietly into the night without making a Crusades reference. They, the christian right, are warmongering for another Crusade. They would love to go to war for Jesus and wipe Allah off the Earth. But I digress, that rant is for another time.

So, who has the biggest, meatiest, most throbbing hard cock of them all? Me. Thats right. What a ground breaking revelation that was. Ill leave you with this thought. What would you rather do? Would you rather we build the mosque, be the bigger man, and give those asshole terrorists less ammunition to use against us? Or, would you rather we not let them build it, throw a few hundred gallons of fuel on the fire,  and warm things up a bit? My take? Some of us are getting pretty cold.