Since I am a godless, hedonistic sinner, I often get asked (well, more like told) that I don't/can't see the beauty in life. Why? I ain't got no baby Jesus in my heart. I find this to be both hilarious and foolhardy. I bet a few of you have experienced this. I like to call this the "Jesusvention" (Jesus + intervention = Jesusvention). A concerned Christian will often take it upon their self to "show us the beauty in life which only Jesus and the Bible can give" or something to that extent. This is my shout out to all of the Christians who have tried to cram baby Jesus down my throat. Boy, am I gonna enjoy ripping this a new one.
First off, your arrogance astounds me. The fact that you are patronizing me through your dogmatic beliefs offends me. You may think you are being "brave" by standing up for your Jewish mangod; life is so hard being a Christian. When you come down from your sanctimonious highchair, I'll give you a cookie for the effort. Don't worry, it's kosher.
Secondly, how can you possibly know that beauty is absent from my life? Again, you are awash with arrogance. Your so called "holy" Bible is as far from holy and beautiful as it gets. If your view of beauty comes from a book that is comprised of your god killing thousands of innocent people, demanding both human and animal sacrifices, bigotry, misogyny, slavery, homophobia, xenophobia and ethnic cleansings, you are seriously fucked up.
I find beauty in just about everything, Jesus not included. Lake Tahoe? Beautiful. Flowers blooming in the springtime? Gorgeous. A meteor shower? Astounding. Jessica Biel's tits? Awe-inspiring. As you can see, my life is filled with beauty. During these last three years as an apostate Christian, I can say with 100% certainty: life is more beautiful without baby Jesus.
I resent the fact that you are concerned about my "salvation". Did I ask you to grab your Bible and shove it down my throat? No. If I want something shoved down my throat, I'll go to a gay bar. If I was so concerned about accepting your Jewish zombie into my heart, I might have asked you. Until that day comes, you can stay on your knees in front of your god. Don't forget to cup the balls.
This is not aimed at anyone in particular. I have just become sick of random Christians trying to "save" me. I have a novel idea for you: Put your Bible down, go buy some condoms, bust that nut then come talk to me. Until then, I will be busy sinnin' n grinnin'. Remember kids, Jesus is a myth, just like the female orgasm.
The latter was a joke.
If you didn't get it, you need to get laid more often.
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